I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
