If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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