I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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