did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
