She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
