Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
