Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
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well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
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Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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