I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
When did angry sex become our thing?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
my liver is dry heaving
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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