So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
