His pubic hair was longer than his dick
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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