the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
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