I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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