so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
