Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
