I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
