I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
