You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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