butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
