We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
