you win again, gameday.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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