It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
