Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
