the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I don't deserve a penis
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
