Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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