At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
