With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
