My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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