The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm jealous of your bromance
I think I won the penis lottery.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
