I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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