and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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