If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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