thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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