I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
