did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize