The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
