can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
