I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
