I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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