What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
