I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
