I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
