You made me cry and you don't even care
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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