Umm I'm too high to move.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
