Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We have so much sex to catch up on
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
