Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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