defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
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You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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