im gay
i know
yea but for you.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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