just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
