one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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