I think my vagina is haunted
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
