I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
