drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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