first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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