Cold hands, warm shart.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
