I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
