i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
