Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??