Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here