I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
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and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
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HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.