felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
