just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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