his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
