Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
