She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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