Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
