I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
