Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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