census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
