When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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