I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
