girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
