so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize