he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize