she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
