somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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