cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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