I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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