I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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