I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
pray to the hookup gods
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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