Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
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Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.