Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
