Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I told you penises don't tan
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single