Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism