I hate ducks.
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS