Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.