MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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