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You're my little dorito
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
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