are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.