Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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