I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
