it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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