cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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