Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize